Sanctuary;

Calculations

I wonder if it was worth it—
three bottles of wine
for your hand on my thigh;
they were on sale, after all

I just want to start over
stretch out my arms close my eyes
and open them in some other morning
and I want you to be next to me
I want the sheets to feel cool against
our warm toes
as the outside world and the wind come in
to let us know it’s morning
and I want you to tell me
that you’ll never love me
at least it’s
the truth

bitchouttahell:

shout out to all of the custodians, cooks, garbage truck drivers, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, waiters, and every one else whose jobs and entire fucking existences get shit on by the same people who wouldn’t know what to do with their lives if they had to do anything for themselves

(via ceedling)

Expired

I look at the pictures in her photo album titled

“So fre$h” with a dollar sign
fresh
man
year

I try to remember what it was like to be that young
when everything was new still;
the buildings
and the people
all the fountains
and the XL twin beds
making a home away from home

no more mama-cooked dinners
just a bunch of strangers
serving you who knows what
from who knows where
and then you sit down
around a bunch more strangers
who all pretend they’re having a better time than they really are
but sometimes they become your friends
and then they’re not so bad after all
and you might even miss them a lot
after 4 years when they go back home
and you stay

it all just feels so stale now
and I feel rancid,
unnaturally soft—
breakable,
broken
(still in the box 
nobody opened)

I try to hold on to the memories that
were once so fresh
stick them next to the potstickers in the freezer
until they’re all just
expired

Seasons

some nights everything feels
dirty
and you can’t imagine anything
holy
just dust-filled crevices
dull hum ceiling fans
unanswered prayers you’re sick of 
asking yourself like
hoping for the rain
in a SoCal summer
or wondering what it would be like
to not spend a night alone for once
every now and then maybe
skin and skin
the ebb and flow
the balance of it all
inbreath and outbreath
hot and cold
but
they say here there are no 
seasons

woke up feeling kind of like it was Christmas morning, except instead of presents today I’m given the rest of my life

late black nights
trying not wait for something to happen
but the present is too quiet
so I sleep

“No matter what you do, it is not a waste.”
—Dad

I actually have the best dad in the world

Dad: Hey!
Me: Hi.
Dad: I won’t ask how you’re doing, just know that I love you.

“Everybody can’t save the world.”
“People are always going to disappoint you, Jenna.”
—Key quotes from my pep talk from Mom